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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| Bold Predictions for 2008! |
| Thursday, 20 December 2007 | |
 I can't believe 2007 is truly coming to a close. It seems like onlyyesterday that I was choking down a magnum of Andre champagne and pondering what 2007 had to offer me. Good heavens. I feel I've been productive this year, I've proliferated trash to the masses, and I even let some chick do the same! I dunno if it's the rum I've been drinking since breakfast, but I truly am swelling with holiday cheer. It is with this in mind, that I look towards the future, and peer through a thick cloud of awesome sauce into 2008.....and I present to you a frightening vision of the future.... In the year 2008.... Old Dirty Blog will cover topics such as "Foreign object use: is it for me?," "Donkey Punch, and other summertime cocktails" and "The time I nailed Margaret Thatcher" In the year 2008.... I will have a threesome with a set of Asian twins without having to pay either of them, or enter into an establishment that offers "spa treatment" In the year 2008... Orlando Pace will drop a load of bang butter so huge, so stupefying in grandeur, that he actually drowns a hooker from East Cicero, Illinois In the year 2008...My buddy Brett will finally end his streak of plowing girls with physical abnormalities, such as clef palate, psoriasis, rift valley fever, hoof and mouth diseases, diphtheria, typhoid, being British, and shingles. In the year 2008...I will go to Tennessee to see what "white lightning" is really all about..and end up fathering more illegitimate children than Travis Henry, Shawn Kemp and Charlie Sheen combined In the year 2008...Dr. Phil will eat himself to death after walking into a Las Vegas restaurant offering all-you-can-eat fluffernutter sandwiches. Tony Danza will recieve his time slot after "Head Case" from the Californication trilogy turns it down In the year 2008..."Hot Beef Injection: Part Deux" starring a post pregnancy Jamie Lynn spears catapults me into adult film superstardom. Instead of my buddy O-Dawg, Lexington Steele himself will finish Jamie off, giving her what will go down in history as the most powerful "Frosty Walrus" on record. Shooting will begin in Cambodia next fall. In the year 2008...I will forgo the use of The Piledriver as my patented cock mustard release move, and move onto a maneuver called "The Cross-Faced Roast Beef Curtain In the year 2008...Every 13 minutes in America, some vulnerable undergrad will fall victim to "The Kansas City Doggystyle Shuffle" In the year 2008...It is my solemn vow to receive fan email from one of the 250+ national leaders of the world...hopefully Kim Jong Il, the Sultan of Bhutan, or that complete lunatic asleep at the switch in Iran. In the year 2008...I will not catch crabs. Again.                       |
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