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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| Vegan Friendly Jam- Or Jelly? |
| Thursday, 20 December 2007 | |
 Crazy (my mentally ustable ex boyfriend) and I wanted to play us some Jack and Jill, but there was 1 problem- Auntie Flo was in town. While Auntie Flo typically doesn't prevent me from getting buckwild, Crazy had a problem with it. Now there's 1 very obvious approach to getting around this kind of situation, and considering we were both very ancy, we decided to take it. Crazy whipped out his trombone and told me to bend over ...I was getting it in-the-butt.
It seemed like such a great idea (I enjoy a little coitus-sodomus
every now and again), however there was 1 problem- Crazy didn't have any axle grease. Spit, water, astro glide, rum, wine, champage, WHATEVER… any of these lube substitutes should come to the mind of a normal human being. Crazy, on the other hand, being the karma believing vegan freak that he is, went into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of extra virgin olive oil. Me: What is that!? What are you doing!? Crazy: It's olive oil. Bend over. It's all natural. Why didn't he go get some carrots, tomatoes, and onions, as well. Literally toss me a little salad, while he's at it. Me: There is no way in hell you are lubing me up with that! Crazy: Stop being a baby… bend over. I could not believe the situation that I was in. Did he seriously want to lube me up with the very same substance I used to fry my vegetables with earlier that night? I started to lose my appetite, but then said screw it… I gave him the nod of approval, turned around, and bent over. The next night for dinner, as I grabbed the frying pan and opened the fridge, I had a thought- maybe I'll just order in tonight.                       |
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