| If You Took Her To Prom, Why Not Bang Her Mom? |
| Monday, 27 August 2007 | |
 There are many accomplishments in life that deserve a great deal of celebration. Birthday's, graduations and the first time you hit the wall with your own rocket sauce are all reasons for great joy and mirth amongst you, and others. But all of these events pale in comparison to dumping a quart of child paste into your girl's loose mother. Yes, its exceedingly dastardly to place your meat rocket into the trap that bore the girl you've been shagging- and yes, unless your girl takes kinky to a whole new level, she'll probably never speak to you again- but think of it this way- you will have a story that will one up any and all perverted sex tales your buddies can ever conjure up. I don't care if your cousin climbed Everest naked, you can easily put them in their place by mentioning that you banged your ex-girlfriends mom. Now, how do you do this, you ask? It's not easy. First, you need to pick a target. Most of the time, girls will inevitably grow up to resemble their mothers, so a girl with a tight ass and killer set of jugs at age 26, for example is a great indicator that she probably has a smoking mom. Also, girls who are insecure and have little self esteem are often the product of broken homes, which quite often produce single moms who are equally as insecure. I may hate, Dr. Phil, but I do know that much. There are several subtle ways to achieve mom-vag. First, call the house when you know your girl isn't home, and chat up her mom. Find out what she's into, and even pretend you're into it. Also, it's a great idea to come over to pick your girl up early, while she's in the shower or shaving her cooch, or something. That way, the two of you can share valuable face time that will lead her to believe that a suave, sophisticated guy like yourself would be better off pile-driving a woman who is "aged to perfection." Also, try and go over the house while your girl is at work, or off being distracted by your wingman (see "wingman" article below for a full description of wingman duties) and have a "heart to heart" with mom; mom's love heart to hearts. You need to establish (false) trust, with mom before she tries to touch your junk - unless she's an escort, and that only counts for half the points a non hooker mom would normally count for. When I achieved this goal, it came up with a really depraved, devious plan. My girl's mom happened to have the largest tits I've ever seen on a human being. With those sultry melons on mind , I purchased a rather skanky looking lingerie from the local K-mart that I knew would be a little too big up top for my girl, but would fit mom just right. I happened to stop by while my girl was away for a weekend with her friends and probably talking about how great and caring of a guy I am, or, more likely, how monstrous my rod is. I made it look to mom like I was leaving her precious little slutty daughter a gift for when she got back. Note, I made sure when I brought it over that it was obvious it was something I just bought for my girl, so of course her mom wanted to see it first. Now, pulling a stunt like this will only work after everything mentioned earlier in this post, so it may take some time for her mom to warm up, and get all moist at the thought of what your 'gift' could possibly be. Mom took one look at the sleazy trash I bought my girl and chuckled. She then looked at the tag and let me know that it would never fit her daughter, but she would be glad to try it on instead. Next thing I know her mom invites me into her room to see how it looks on a "real woman." About as fast as I oblige, she is already shirtless and walking into her room. I was in business! It was like a dirty, grimy, morally impure version of "The graduate," only I don't stutter like Dustin Hoffman, and I don't think they did anal in that flick.                       |
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