Just your everyday stuck up, tasteless, male humor blog. I talk about everything from my crazy sex antics to helping you accomplish yours. Love it or hate it, you are still reading the best trash on the web.
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After seeing your dazzling, artistically stunning performance at the Video Music Awards this weekend, and being stunned by the tautness of your body and voluptuousness of our bosom, I started thinking about you...sexually. But, by the time I had gotten halfway through zonking the zebra, all of the reviewers instantaneously began talking about how poorly you performed, and how a gerbil with head trauma could have put on a better act than you. As a lifetime fan of yours, I was shocked, and appalled by this.
From the looks of things, it may be looking like you might be in need of some work. Evidently one sub-par outing, and now no one wants to hire you. I know you've got children to support, and, with your families best interest in mind, I'd like to offer you some work.
You see, I am a young independent movie-maker and actor. I produce films that, while adult in nature, are sophisticated works of art. I can really see you excelling in one of my films, and thusly rejuvenating your career.
The project I have in mind is entitled "Hot Beef Injection," and would star the two of us. Depending on what you're comfortable with, I was thinking of spreading your legs apart like a thanksgiving turkey and pounding you like veal chop while your new single "Gimme More" is playing in the background. You've had two kids already, so I'm thinking flexibility and vaginal elasticity are not going to be an issue.
The story behind "Hot Beef Injection" is about a young, busty aspiring southern starlet (that's you) who comes to a very important "meeting" with a horny young producer (me) in my basement. I was hoping you could sport that catholic school girl number you wore when you first got big, and maybe choke down about 7 inches of my man member to start off the film. I was pondering smacking you about the face with it and calling you "Christina", but that really depends on what your publicist decides is the right move for you.
Production costs are going to be quite minimal here, as we'll be shooting on location in my mother's basement. I can offer you a tidy sum, since my only overhead costs only involve paying my buddy Brett to mop up all the awesome sauce when we finish, and to pay mom to make us some cocktail weenies (no pun intended) when we're all finished up.
Also, I was thinking that maybe, if you like the idea of performing in these kinds of films, we could maybe to a scene where you "ride the cock train," as we call it in my industry. Picture this- in the climactic scene of the film, I pull myself out of you, and then my buddies Brett, Frankie, Mohammed and Cross-Eyed Keith that their turns dousing you with bang butter. I'm talking everywhere. I picture you looking like you just got lost in a marshmallow Fluff factory when we're through with you. Then, to top it off, my large African-American friend O-Dawg comes in, and sticks twelve inches of Alabama Blacksnake into you, nearly pile driving you into oblivion.
When we're finished, you can sleep over. I already cleared it with mom. As an added incentive, I should add that I just purchased a karaoke machine and about nine magnum cans of Steel Reserve beer.
So in closing, I would really like to collaborate with you on this project. I feel that it is tantamount that your career is rejuvenated by the sight of you getting mercilessly pummeled like a streetwalker for the entire world to see. I hope to receive a prompt response, as I have been approached by Jodie Sweetin of "Full House" fame to make a similar film, but am skeptical about working with someone who has clearly not been violated and sexually degraded as many times as you have. I thank you for your consideration, and wish you all the best.
Readers have left 2 comments.
2. Comment ODB Author,
aww gee thanks. Production is set to begin sometime after her vehicular assault lawsuit is settled.
Posted 10-20-2007 14:22:13
1. Comment Guest,
A true classic. I think it will jumpstart Britney's career. It has Oscar written all over it.
After seeing your dazzling, artistically stunning performance at the Video Music Awards this weekend, and being stunned by the tautness of your body and voluptuousness of our bosom, I started thinking about you...sexually. But, by the time I had gotten halfway through zonking the zebra, all of the reviewers instantaneously began talking about how poorly you performed, and how a gerbil with head trauma could have put on a better act than you. As a lifetime fan of yours, I was shocked, and appalled by this. 
