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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| Clever Retorts to Failed Pick Up Lines |
| Wednesday, 28 November 2007 | |
 Over the course of my long, illustrious career as a professional clam-jammer, I've said a lot of questionable things to a lot of highly questionable girls. As the holidays are often a time for reflection, I've been thinking about some of the long, very drunken evenings I've endured that have resulted in not only some brazenly bad pickup lines, but have been highlighted by my snappy comebacks to failed, atrocious pickup lines. Here's the hall of fame thus far. Me: I'm actually going off to war. I ship off tomorrow. Her: I don't believe you. You haven't shaved in months Me: What would your mother say if you refused to blow me for the sake of your country? Me: I'm actually a philosophy major over at Yale Her: Your sweatshirt says "Housatonic Community College...." Me: Don't judge me, wench Me: Baby, I wanna take you back to my place, and put my evil in side of you.... Her: I'm sorry, what was that? Me: Oh, I meant come back to my place, and I can lay beside you... Her: Aw, that's sweet Me: Wow, that martini looks pretty strong... Her: Screw off Me: It'll give you just what you need, MORE hair on your chest Me: Do you make mac and cheese at home? Her: ...yeah.... Me: Wanna come back to my place, and I'll make you mac and cheese? Me: You know sugar-tits, I may not be the best looking guy in this room, but I'm the only one talking to you Her: Wanna come back to my place? Me: You're hideous. Get away from me. Me: I once shot a man just go get an erection Her: ..... Me: You wanna get outta here? My mom is out of town Me: I really think that you and I have a special connection.... Her: You're pathetic Me: Hey baby, if it weren't for alcohol and dishonesty, none of your friends would've slept with me, either. Me: Great Halloween costume....lemme guess..Yokozuna? Her: I'm a geisha girl Me: Wanna come back to my place? Me: I've got a beer in my fridge, wanna come back to my place and drink it? Her: ....... Me: It's kind of warm, but I could put some ice in it? Me: Nice shoes (awkward pause) wanna slap it around? Her: Oh My God! You're such a scumbag Me: Your parents adopted you                       |
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