Just your everyday stuck up, tasteless, male humor blog. I talk about everything from my crazy sex antics to helping you accomplish yours. Love it or hate it, you are still reading the best trash on the web.
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My blogging excellence has awarded with this really cool nomination. Please vote for this blog, and I will redouble my efforts to provide classy, refined sexual trash for your reading pleasure.
You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.
So give it a shot. You know you want to. Send me your dirtiest tale or tip and I may publish it here on Old Dirty Blog. Who knows? It might inspire me to go off into the world and use your tactics to spread some sex sauce all over some young coed, and of course write about it here.
Thaaar She Blows! Harpooning a Fat Chick: Is It Tons of Fun?
Wednesday, 01 August 2007
Captain Ahab lives in literary history as the man who slew the white whale- why can't that be you? With all the hoopla surrounding banging chicks with 26" waists and 36 inches of jugs, one realizes that there is a far more plentiful supply of questionable looking, obese, and downright homely pieces of tail out there- many of which are something suitable to at least be solicited to suck on your yogurt squirter. I like to refer to them as many men refer to them…Fat Chicks.
While society sometimes frowns upon bringing a mastodon home for a casual slam, it's important to know that sometimes the act of banging a fat chick is condonable. I like to affectionately call this "going whaling." Although the practice of slaying ocean-going mammals has long been outlawed, the act of seducing rotund slam bags is a practice that is becoming very common- especially given America's disgusting obsession with saturated fat and jelly donuts dipped in strawberry mystery sauce.
I am here to tell you that the following situations, and ONLY these situations, are suitable times to contemplate, and execute the act of dumping some man mud onto a female who could easily be the Goodyear blimp for Halloween.
In complex social situations, there is often a man whose job it is to "jump on the grenade." This happens when four guys take our three hot pieces of ass yearning for cock mustard, and they bring along their ugly, dumpy friend with teeth so nasty she looks like she's from Scotland. There will always be a man whose job it is to entertain the fat chick, and in a doomsday defcon five type scenario, penetrate the sweaty, swampy slam hole of this girl. This guy should get some free drinks for his efforts or at least an omelet the next morning-as long as it's not a goat cheese omelet- that might bring back some painful memories.
Taking home a woman who looks like Dr Phil with breasts is also acceptable if you are in need of a "slump buster." If it's been months since you last dumped some knuckle children anywhere but your He-Man pillowcase, then maybe it's time to think outside the box. Just don't be like my buddy Brett and shag about 25 certifiable "slump busters" in a row.
If you have consumed more than twenty-five (18) adult beverages in a four hour span and are still standing, you have earned the right to stick it anywhere you want, including that Brontosaurus sitting at the end of the bar, taking up two stools while doing so. Sometimes, that last drink might make the fat chick look somewhat bangable.
Finally, if all of mankind has been wiped out by a disaster of Biblical proportions, and the only woman alive is the size of the Province of Alberta, then it's time to man up, give her some man mustard for the proliferation and well-being of the human race.
Readers have left 4 comments.
4. Comment ghost,
Posted 08-10-2007 07:14:19
3. Comment The Boston Bachelor,
I think ya just pissed off half the Scot nation there with that on. I've got to admit, though, I still laughed when I read that line. Cheers mate.
You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.
Captain Ahab lives in literary history as the man who slew the white whale- why can't that be you? With all the hoopla surrounding banging chicks with 26" waists and 36 inches of jugs, one realizes that there is a far more plentiful supply of questionable looking, obese, and downright homely pieces of tail out there- many of which are something suitable to at least be solicited to suck on your yogurt squirter. I like to refer to them as many men refer to them…Fat Chicks.
Taking home a woman who looks like Dr Phil with breasts is also acceptable if you are in need of a "slump buster." If it's been months since you last dumped some knuckle children anywhere but your He-Man pillowcase, then maybe it's time to think outside the box. Just don't be like my buddy Brett and shag about 25 certifiable "slump busters" in a row. 
.
