I know what you might all be thinking- and it's ok. Really, I
understand. I'm willing to deal with the flood of praise and/or hate
mail that comes from allowing a woman to blog on this site. You see,
out of the droves of fan mail I've received, people are always sending
me resumes, writing samples and the like. I usually roll them up and
smoke them- with tobacco products. But, this one particular girl was
very persistent, and I've decided to let her voice be heard to the
world.  Here is the first thing she sent me.
 
"An Angry Girl's Toilet" 
 
In life, there will always be those 1 or 2 (maybe 12) guys who test
out your goodies 5, 6, 7, maybe 8 times, then throw you to the curb.
But fortunately for us ladies- there's a little something I like to
call, Revenge of the Nerd.
 
I was a young girl.  Maybe 16?  Small, sweet, and naive.  I don't
remember where I met him or how he sweet talked his way into intruding
on my love flower, but he did- over and over again. And that's not the
point.  The point is, he was a complete loser.
 
Months later, he had a party.  I didn't want to go, but my wonderful
circle of friends convinced me otherwise.
 
Once there, I had a few drinks… flirted with some 'college' boys, did
a little dance… maybe even made a little love (I truthfully don't
remember), and then,I had to pee.
 
Me: Hey -----!  Can I go inside and use your bathroom?
 
Him:No way.  No one's allowed in the house.
 
Me: Um... haha, okay.  You're funny.  Let me in?
 
Him:I said no one's allowed in the house!
 
Was he kidding?  It was fine for me to rub my grease box all over his
Batman sheets three months earlier, but going inside to use the
bathroom was …unacceptable?
 
Me: So where am I supposed to go then?
 
Him: In the bushes… just like everyone else!
 
I grabbed my friend's arm and dragged her out front.

Me: 'You know who' is such a @#5&*6$$^&*(T&^7^% jh gHT^%&%^%$^* !!!
 
(I really had to urinate and was plastered.)
 
Friend: …
 
Me: Well eff that!
 
I climbed on his car, pulled up my skirt, and pissed all over his rear
view window.
 
So the lesson to be learned here ladies, is that no matter what they
do to you—there's always something you can do back.  Even if it
involves popping a squat on their new car after they supplied you with
beer.  It's a little something I like to call, revenge.  More
specifically, it's a little something I like to call Revenge of the 16
year old Nerd.
 
Clearly, this has been a landmark movement in affirmative action. I am quite sure that history will judge me as a character on par with Susan B. Anthony, whoever got title IX passed, and Jenna Jameson as a true feminist.  I think I'll burn a bra and watch the lifetime network in celebration of this event. If I let her post again, I should be right up there with whatever homely chicks first got that whole suffrage movement going.

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