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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| Homemade Pornography: A True Art Form |
| Wednesday, 19 September 2007 | |
 Of all the developments of the 20th century pornography has to be among the greatest. No matter what our individual beliefs or values may be, all red-blooded American males share an admiration for fornicating folk heroes like John Holmes, Peter North and Long Dong Silver. Sure, maybe I don't have a 13 inch dong that I look at in the mirror while muttering inspirational slogans to myself, but why shouldn't I be able to videotape some lucky girl slurping down a bowl of my man chowder? With many of today's slutty stars already adhering to this trend (Paris, Pam Anderson, the chick from that reality show and soon to be Brittany ) it is much easier these days to get your woman to agree to this. A few years back I brought the idea up to my then girlfriend (from the threesome blog) and she loved it. We brought the camera over to my place, performed some of the worst acting this side of any Keaneau Reeves film, kissed, licked, sucked and hammered away at each other until I was ready to deliver the money shot. I stood up and positioned my crotch right at her face and just as I was about to spray her with my Manthrax something happened. I was living in an on campus apartment at the time and there were three bedrooms in the apartment with two of us living in each room. My roommate had disappeared a few days earlier and I hadn't heard from him since. Right as I was about to put the finishing touch on my Oscar worthy picture he came home and burst right into the room, ready to tell tales of his three day bender (an utterly ridiculous story in its own right). The shock of this sudden intrusion caused me to turn suddenly but it was too late to stop. Instead of dousing my girlfriend's face with a pint of liquid love, I caught my roommate right on his shirt, pants and shoes. I was frozen. I couldn't move nor could I stop cumming. My girlfriend laughed hysterically as my roommate screamed in horror. He ran out of the room and the apartment while stripping out of his semen covered clothes and screaming "I just got jizzed on!" I stood in disbelief, more upset about my movie being ruined than cumming on my male roommate. The best/worst part? I got the entire money shot on film. Somehow, and without realizing it, I got a perfect shot of the entire incident. One last thing: if your girl isn't down with the whole idea, or if you just bring random sluts home constantly, find a spot in the closet to set up a tripod to film your excursion secretly. Just be sure to position her correctly while pounding her with your Beef Bayonet. I'd also suggest watching some movie sex scenes to get a few ideas of how to act in front of the camera, maybe that hooker scene from American Psycho or anything from 8 Millimeter if you're a sick lunatic. Creating your own homemade masterpiece can be a lot of fun, but make sure that your door is locked and no one is around to begin with. If you're as careless as I you may end up getting too close for comfort with one of your buddies.                       |
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