| Jerk It On The Can While You're Working For The Man |
| Tuesday, 04 September 2007 | |
 While finding an unsavory woman to satisfy your sick urges is always the best option, launching your man rocket manually is a favorite activity of all true males. In fact, one of the defining moments in the life of a young man is that day he grabs a hold of his junk and starts pumping away like the apocalypse is eminent; but right ahead of that is the day when it all finally comes to fruition. You're blasting away, you get this weird feeling and next thing you know you're trying to clean off the couch before your mom gets home from church. It is this day when all other aspects of a young man's life become secondary to basting some harlot with your man gravy, or simply going to your closet and getting the job done yourself. No matter how much loose ass I may score in a given week I always like to take matters into my own hands on an everyday basis. This is easy when I'm at home, as the internet has given us a bastion of filth on which we can feed daily, and it's not hard to pull off if you're staying at a friends house either. Simply make up some story about a stomach ache and excuse yourself to the bathroom for a ten minute break. While there start firing away, using the family portrait of your buddy's mom and two younger sisters that hangs right above the can as your inspiration. Make sure to aim it perfectly into the toilet and also be sure that the seat is up. The last thing you want is to spill your baby batter on the throne and accidentally knock up your friend's sister's fourteen year old friend who came over to watch Hitch and had to use the bathroom 10 times because she was drinking Smirnoff Ice. But all too many times I've found myself in the following situation: I'm at work, that sweet little nineteen year old red head intern keeps giving me the eye and next thing you know I'm sporting a chubby that you could churn butter with. Now what? I cannot concentrate on any work and it's not even noon so I can't go home any time in the near future. At this point you only have one course of action: take your chances in the stall. I always like to use the handicap stall, as the extra room comes in handy in case you get carried away and pass out. Moreover, that hand bar that's there to help people pick themselves up out of their wheelchair works great as a spotter handle. If you're a noob I'd certainly suggest starting out here as opposed to doing it in, say, the urinal which is for seasoned veterans only. What I do is just unbutton my pants and pull it out and crank one out really fast. Some people like to drop their pants to there ankles, which allows for more freedom, but runs the risk of someone looking under the stall door and figuring out what a pervert you are, or worse, thinking that you're like a five year old and need to drop trousers to take a piss. Some men prefer to the sit on the toilet while you jerk it mentality, arguing that this is the safest way to go about it since you're not standing in front of the urinal for 5 minutes. I personally don't like this because too many things can go wrong. You can accidentally cum on your clothes, if you're not quick enough, and then have to hug your boss's wife. Or while in mid climax you can get overexcited and slip off the toilet, or accidentally touch your balls to that little part of the can that is exposed and riddled with STD's. Most important is to wash your hands so that they don't smell like special sauce, especially if you work in food services. It's a risk proposal, certainly, but throwing around your junk at work will certainly make for a more satisfying and quicker day.                       |
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