Just your everyday stuck up, tasteless, male humor blog. I talk about everything from my crazy sex antics to helping you accomplish yours. Love it or hate it, you are still reading the best trash on the web.
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My blogging excellence has awarded with this really cool nomination. Please vote for this blog, and I will redouble my efforts to provide classy, refined sexual trash for your reading pleasure.
You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.
So give it a shot. You know you want to. Send me your dirtiest tale or tip and I may publish it here on Old Dirty Blog. Who knows? It might inspire me to go off into the world and use your tactics to spread some sex sauce all over some young coed, and of course write about it here.
Blow a Load in her troposphere! Join the Mile High Club!
Friday, 12 October 2007
This is really a long awaited blog for this site, and I bring it to you after preforming some exhausting research. Readers kept asking me "why not blog about joining the mile high club?" for weeks. But, I'll admit, I had never shagged anyone but good old Palmela Handerson while flying through the friendly skies before- until recently.
I decided to go perform some research and analysis before I broached such topics. So, I took a week off from work and bought some of the cheapest airline tickets available. After taking a couple of red-eyes to Minneapolis and other god-forsaken places, I didn't even find a passenger worth sticking in a upright, locked position. I realized then the first important lesson of attempting to join the mile high club: you need to be headed to a babe-heavy destination.
So, I boarded an evening flight from Chicago to Orlando. Once I arrived at O'hare international and got to my gate, I saw a slammin young lass wearing a mini skirt who looked like she was ready to rock. I chose her as my victim. Luckily for me, the bar was directly adjacent to the seating area right by our gate. After staring at her for a couple minutes, she was over to the bar and drinking with me. She turned out to be from England. Foreign chicks are a huge bonus because they don't know about all those FAA regulations against wild, sloppy vaginal pounding on domestic flights.
After a few cocktails on the ground, it's key to save most of the liquoring up for the plane. At 35,000 feet, rum and coke goes down like water.But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
It is HUGE to find someone who will switch seats with you if you're going to go for the gold here. Any self respecting man will see the fire in your stare, and the insecurity in her face, and realize that you're going for something truly amazing, and move to another seat. It's obvious that First class is the best way to go, of course, but not everyone has those kinds of fiscal means. The mile high club CAN be achieved from coach- it just takes a little more work.
Once you sit down, you should both drink no more than 3 adult beverages, after 3 drinks at that altitude, you'll either pass out or end up donating your crappy in flight meal to the airplane bathroom instead of a batch of humping paste.
Now, you have to play the waiting game. I know it's difficult to hold off on ravaging her when your porking piston is ready to explode, but its a necessity here. You have to be like a running back waiting for the right hole to open up so that when you find daylight, you can dash like a gazelle into the endzone.
You should enter the bathroom first, with her close behind you. After 30 seconds, you should unlock the door and let her slip in. Make SURE that most of the people on the flight are asleep and that there are no flight attendants in your immediate vicinity. In the world we live in today, the airline industry is mandated by the government to suspect two people screwing in the friendly skies as a possible terrorist threat- and with good reason.
The actual act of bathroom penetration is very, very difficult. Silence, accuracy and precision are key here, because you're working with a space about as large as a Turkish jail cell. The best way is to have her side on your lap and ride you reverse cowgirl-style (see "Do you have the gall to bang her in a bathroom stall?). For added penetration, she could place her feet on either side of the door, but be careful that she doesn't accidentally kick the door open when you pump her full of sky-high sex sauce. That could lead to incarceration, deportation, and front page spot in the Daily News.
"Bathroom Tryst Goes Badly" would be a bad headline for you, and would probably ruin any shot you'd ever have of getting a real job. It would also probably put on on the federal "no fly" list with all the other degenerates.
It's important to make an exit as clean as your entrance was. You should leave first, followed by her in a minute or so. After that, I took the morally high road and popped two sleeping pills so that she wouldn't bother me for the remainder of the trip.
Readers have left 3 comments.
3. Comment OLD Author,
I appreciate your praise of this trash. That cockpit move is pretty tight. I didn't even think of that one. Thats probably how Emelia Airhardt died.
Posted 10-16-2007 15:13:02
2. Comment Guest,
I earned MY pin. But it was easier. It was actually in the cockpit, with the plane on autopilot - with the pilot. HOT!
You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.
This is really a long awaited blog for this site, and I bring it to you after preforming some exhausting research. Readers kept asking me "why not blog about joining the mile high club?" for weeks. But, I'll admit, I had never shagged anyone but good old Palmela Handerson while flying through the friendly skies before- until recently. 
.
