.
You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| The Oops: Unexpected Anal and You |
| Friday, 20 July 2007 | |
 I am of the mind that there is never a situations should settle for anything short of their full potential. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. That being said, why just do it doggy style when, if you slide Mr. happy about three inches upward, you could enjoy the unrelenting sex-charged ego trip that is anal sex? The answer is simple: a lot of girls are repulsed by the idea of anal sex. "It's something gay people do", "No parking in rear" etc etc. Some girls claim that they derive no pleasure from having a penis shoved into their anal cavity. Since I have often enjoyed the passtime of the butt, and also watched hundreds of hours of pornography- I know that chicks dig anal hardcore- some of them just aren't self actualized about it. But, if your chick isn't into taking it up the poop-shoot, do not despair, for there is a way around this- the “Oops”. It's a pretty simple concept- all you have to do is, in the dark sweaty mess of dog style humping, remove your purple headed yogurt slinger from her vag, and then, when attempting to get it back inside, miss by about three inches due north of the vagina- and you will have found the virgin-like feel of the anus. At first she will be shocked, and even feel pain at this indiscretion- but fret not, she'll be into it. Always follow this act of accidental insertion with the expression "oops". It makes it sound like a genuine error- when in fact, it was anything but. Now there are pitfalls to this technique. If you do not aim high enough, your man mustard machine will end up colliding with the impenetrable fortress of skin in between the two holes- otherwise known as "the taint." The taint is a place nobody wants to be- it’s kind of like the north Bronx. Never go there. It leads to a word of pain and degradation. No one likes someone who can't find a hole in the dark. You will be branded like that wench in The Scarlet Letter. Also, the oops can be done even if you are not in the classic doggy style position anyone who proliferates a rumor otherwise is a fool and probably doesn't have the kind of gusto necessary to pull this off. As long as you are wary of the size and scope of the taint, you can pull off the oops from the missionary position- but it is not for amateurs at all. You need to be focused, somewhat sober, and oftentimes elevate the butt cheeks a bit-all-the-while making the whole situation look like a complete act of sexual folly. ....and always make sure to say "oops," like you're sorry to have stuck it in her butt, although that is as far from the truth as is humanly possible                       |
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
