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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| It's Always a Slobber-Knocker When You Use the Pile Driver! |
| Sunday, 29 July 2007 | |
 There are about as many sex positions that have been conjured by the imagination of man as there are fish in the ocean. Truly, penetration junkies are always looking for new ways to mangle each other. When young, flexible and adventurous there are many things you're willing to try. Some things work, and some things end up with her filing federal charges (see "The Oops" or "The Kansas City Doggy Style Shuffle").
I am here to tell you of the most effective sex position that exists in the world today- the Pile Driver. The Pile Driver is named after a now-outlawed pro wrestling maneuver used to great effectiveness by one of my heroes, Jerry "the King" Lawler. The Pile Driver was used to drive a dude's head into the mat while holding it in place with your things. The real Pile Driver involved your man piston used at an elevated angle, thusly driving it into your target like a patriot missile. From start to finish, you can begin to employ the Pile Driver from standard missionary position. Thusly, it will not me met with shock and disgust, much like it's cousin, the "oops". While pounding at her humping cage simple take both of her legs and put them on your shoulders. Everyone enjoys this position. But, in order to ensure a heroic, Jacques Cousteau-like level of penetration, you need to squat in a frog-like position, and elevate her buttocks. Some real cowboys, like myself, tend to imply the use of a pillow below the ass. For a variation of this move, put both legs over one shoulder, and rotate them throughout this entire awe-inspiring episode.  Women become addicted to the Pile Driver. It's like sex crack. They're going to want it everywhere, and all the time- and that's just fine, because it is a very portable position. Since you end up bending her like a spooge-filled accordion during this act, the Pile Driver is perfect for use in the back of the family sedan, or on top of the toilet seat in an airport bathroom.
Be warned, with the knowledge of the Pile Driver comes an awesome level of responsibility. Since you possess knowledge of how to pleasure her like a $1,000 an hour porn star or a $50 Asian hooker (see the post below), you need to use this wisely- like when you did something really stupid, or would really like some pancakes in the morning.                       |
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