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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| Do You Have The Gall To Bang Her In a Public Stall? |
| Monday, 23 July 2007 | |
 Sometimes you are just so horny, so ready to rock and roll, that the car simply can't wait. Sometimes you are only presented with a brief opportunity to mangle some poor girl, and there's nowhere to go to do your business. It is circumstances like this that drive people to get it on in public restrooms. This act, while exciting and fun, must be done discreetly and quickly, or mall security will be all over you like Dr Phil at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. As a veteran of restroom quickies in 31 states and 5 foreign countries, I can safely say that entry and exit are the two most difficult components here. You need a well scouted location. Unisex single occupancy restrooms are best, but hard to come by. That being said, you must seize an opportunity when it presents itself. While it is exceedingly difficult to examine logistics while you have a boner the size of the Saturn V Rocket, you must force yourself to concentrate, and examine the restroom for any children, authority figures, or any shady peeping tom types. It's of uncanny importance to note that half of the reason why girls are into doing it in weird public places is that the chance of getting caught really gets their sex sauces flowing. It probably has something to do with sneaking out of their house as a kid, or something- they could also just be complete skanks- but either way it is key to use the "we're doing something dangerous" thing to your advantage. Even if you sell insurance premiums for a living, you can be looked at as a wild man if you're up for a little bit of toilet humping. Also, if your target bathroom contains a handicapped stall, use it! If a crippled kid wheels himself into the bathroom while you're slamming your girl's brains out- that's just bad karma- but to be honest, odds are not in favor of that happening. Upon entry to the stall, placement is key. I recommend you do this in one of two ways- depending on your size and dimensions. She can sit on your lap either in cowgirl or reverse cowgirl- but, if this is a crowded bathroom, she will need to hide her legs from immediate view. This sometimes gets tricky- especially if she's a volleyball player or something. If you’re in a roomier stall, she can put one leg up on the toilet, and you can send your mustard missile into her like you would if you were in the shower, for example. Once again, this has a lot to do with skill and logistics. Once finished, do not pass go, do not collect $200. run for the exit and continue shopping, catch your bus, or get back to temple to finish praying like nothing has happened. The public bathroom is not a place for slow passionate lovemaking. If you're on drugs or something this might seem like a good idea, but get a hold of reality! This kind of destination sex is meant for a hard and mighty vaginal slam, nothing more, and nothing less.                       |
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