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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| The Glory of Backroom Restaraunt Sex |
| Thursday, 02 August 2007 | |
 Working in the restaurant business is one of the best industries to in which to proliferate sorted acts having sex in public- second only to maybe working as a jizz mopper at a dildo factory- and at that job, they encourage the kind of brazen acts of discretion-free humping that one can enjoy when working as a waiter, busboy, line cook, bartender, etc. Take for instance an incident that took place when I was tending bar at a local seafood eatery. They had hired this busty young lass with no talent for serving people and marginal people skills- and asked me to train her. So, I showed her how to order mussels marinara while all the while sending out the vibe that I would really enjoy a good hard stroking of my man mussels in cock sauce. I could tell she was into it. When you attain a certain level of man-whoreishness, you can just tell. It's like zen, or something. I told her to come in early one morning when it was just me and some line cooks hanging out. If you want to pull of any kind of restaurant sex from backroom blowjobs to bathroom hummers, you need to curry the favor of the illegal immigrants who dice salad (not to be confused with tossing salad, that’s another post). She came into work wearing this hot little tank top, and the instantaneous chubbing of my sex lance told me it was time take action. "Hey, let me show you the walk in fridge," I said. She agreed, and jiggled through the kitchen to the large, cold abyss of pre-diced julienne vegetables and cocktail onions that was the walk-in fridge. The prep guys enjoyed the Bush Light I had purchased them to buy their silence while this happened. As I was explaining where the cold maraschino cherries were, she turned around and kissed me. Clearly, she had not lied on her resume when she said she had previous restaurant experience. I "pretended" to lock the fridge, and went to work. I should mention here that not every restaurant has migrant workers who can be bought to watch the door. Ergo, the safest, most enjoyable walk-in fridge sex position as follows. She drops her drawers, grabs hold of a shelf in front of her with both hands, and exposes her treasure trove while I pummel her form behind. Not only does this offer about 80% of the penetration of say, the Pile Driver, but it also gives you the ability to be ever vigilant should someone decide to come into the fridge looking for radishes. This girl loved both excitement and cock mustard. It's important to have chicks that talk dirty in a restaurant staff- it probably means they can sell the daily specials well. During this particular bout of pun-tang pounding, in what must be the crowning moment of any bout of food sex, I even ate a handful of provolone cheese and chewed loudly while hammering away. If you really wanna be kinky, and you've made a habit out of backroom restaurant sex, try smearing her jugs in cottage cheese, or feta if you work in a Greek joint. Chicks love it. As far as the finale goes, I used the chilled Alfredo sauce, but you can use anything where the protein from your awesome juice will actually enhance the taste, and nutrition of the dish. Such is the glory of restaurant sex.                       |
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