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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| The Rodeo: Building Character Through Exploitation |
| Saturday, 14 July 2007 | |
 One of my most humbling experiences in life came when I was Rodeo'd by my friends while engaging in doggy style relations with a girl who I had been engaging in on and off "casual slams" with throughout college. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I remember going at it in the boring and mundane "missionary" position before I gently insinuated that I'd like to climb onto her from behind, grab her pigtails and ride into sexual glory. She accepted, and I began my ascent. A few minutes later, in what seemed like a fraction of a second in cosmic sex time, I looked to my closet in horror to see my buddies emerge, wielding the Panasonic camcorder my grandmother had given me for Christmas. While my roommate held the camera, the rest of my friends screamed "rodeo! rodeo! rodeo!" like a band of wild Injuns. Of course, she wanted to disengage and hide under a blanket the moment this happened- as any internet-fearing young lass would. My first instincts were the same. I wanted to club my friends like seals for doing this to me. But suddenly, the constant sing-songy repetition of the word rodeo encouraged me to think beyond myself. Was I just a guy banging a girl from behind, or was I part of something bigger? Could I forever go down in history as they guy who held on and kept going while she tried to wriggle free of my presence- like a real rodeo champion? I held on for about nine seconds, according to the camera's timer, before she mule kicked me in the chest, wrapped herself in my blanket and ran for the door. She never spoke to me again, and she left a pretty decent bruise while fighting for her integrity. But I learned a valuable lesson about myself that day that I have carried with my throughout my later life. In that fleeting moment of buck-wild rodeo glory, I saw in myself a man whose iron will and determination were as unyielding as the determination of a wild bull to crush the skull of a rodeo clown. Truly, the rodeo changed my life. -and don't worry, I dispatched the 'inseam army' just before her heel hit my sternum.                       |
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