Just your everyday stuck up, tasteless, male humor blog. I talk about everything from my crazy sex antics to helping you accomplish yours. Love it or hate it, you are still reading the best trash on the web.
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Sadly, the worst epidemic so strike America since smallpox is not being dealt with by politicians, scientists, or Dr. Phil. In fact, it's being completely ignored by all of these similarly ass-backwards folk. They're spread about or urban and sub-urban centers like dick rash, and, just like dick rash, they spread very quickly when encouraged to do so.
I’m here to set the record straight. Stuck up, prissy, annoying, glammed-out Nicole Riche wannabes are everywhere nowadays, and it’s usually a complete disaster running into whores like these. Especially after you’ve downed a bottle of Johnny Black, or as I like to call it, balls in a bottle. While it's kind of fun to poke fun at their Gucci bag sporting, tight, valour sweatpants wearing, gibbon physiqued ways, it's a down right horror when you encounter them in a social situation. Not only do they not socialize with anyone out of their own small gaggle fellow prissy princesses, but they partake in a bizarre ritual of dancing in a circle in the middle of a club dance floor feeling each other up, while allowing no one inside to interact with them. It's like a cross between crab soccer and communism. They seem perfectly content to shake their over-tanned asses and jiggle their perky jugs in each others company, and each others company alone.
Unfortunately, this horrific ritual is not easy to interrupt. Usually, these kinds of women are friends with metro sexual men (and I stress FRIENDS), who usually know the kinds of cokehead criminals who run nightclubs (see the article about defeating those metro pansies in the archives). The slightest move of your man stick in their general direction will probably result in rejection, embarrassment, or even a beat down from their bouncer friends.
The best way to attempt to get in the pants of one of these girls is to isolate them. Kind of like how hyenas pray on zebras who have strayed from the pack. When she leaves her iron circle of asexual dance moves, confront her, and make a concentrated effort to make sure she thinks you have a boat load of cash. Keep in mind that you have to get to the point quick, or the rest of the pack will rescue her in no time. There are about nine posts on this blog about how to artfully deceive women, so I won't spend a lot of time going into it. That fact of the matter is, you need to make her think you have enough cash to buy Peru, Suriname, and those diamond earrings she really wants, or she won't talk to you. Then, if she lets you in, you need to ask her about herself and NOTHING MORE. There's nothing these stuck up pieces of trash like better than to monologue about their Louis Vutton Luggage and their weekly bikini waxes (which are NOT a bad thing).
Most of these girls also date very large men. It's hard to explain, but for some reason women shapes like infant flamingoes seem to enjoy being pummeled buy guys who could bench press a Cadillac. How they don't get broken in half by sheer cock girth is a wonder of science. If you are not an exceptionally large offensive line sized dude, then your job will be exponentially more difficult, in which case will probably also find yourself in a head-lock by a guy named Vinny.
Overall, I would definitely say that it is unwise to attempt to dump some cock mustard into her coach bag unless you're ready to deal with someone who will probably lie in bed like a beached whale while you rail her, and are forced to smell the combination of Tommy Girl and cocoa butter- I know this from experience. What you don’t even realize is the combination of club lighting and enough MAC makeup to cover the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel can make Rosie O’Donnell look like you would take her home to mom.
On a scale of one to ten, I give this misson a zero, because quite frankly, unless you're undertaking some kind of slam hole scavenger hunt, these kinds of chicks just aren't worth it. Save your energy for girls that use putting out as their status symbol.
Readers have left 2 comments.
2. Comment MGF,
I would rather have a girl who loves to drink beer and watch football, than have to spend hours in malls and dressing rooms providing feedback that she won't listen to. This blog is hilarious! Keep up the good work!
Posted 09-04-2007 09:48:41
1. Comment Guest,
Most of the time, these girls may be hot, but they aren't worth shit in bed.. or even worth dating.. because they think they are all that so they don't have to try as hard..
Go after the cute chicks. Trust me. A.) they try harder to please and B.) they usually don't mind do shit like liking sports and hanging out.
Sadly, the worst epidemic so strike America since smallpox is not being dealt with by politicians, scientists, or Dr. Phil. In fact, it's being completely ignored by all of these similarly ass-backwards folk. They're spread about or urban and sub-urban centers like dick rash, and, just like dick rash, they spread very quickly when encouraged to do so. 
