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You've heard about my glorious tales of triumph and filth for over a month now. Let me hear what kind of crazed, deprived, horrific acts have you pulled off? I know they won't be as heinous as mine, but I'd sure love to hear about them.| Pass The Gravy and Stuff The Turkey This Thanksgiving |
| Wednesday, 21 November 2007 | |
 We've all been there before. It's that lull between the servings of candied yams and dried beets, the football game is a blowout, and you're a little buzzed of four bud lights. You look at your lovely girlfriend next to you, with her supple bosom hiding behind a tight brown sweater, and her honeypot hiding under a mini skirt, and you know it's go time. You can almost hear Al Michael’s in the background encouraging you. You give her "the look" and unless she's a useless slam hog, she'll know that its time to execute the coveted Turkey Day bathroom quickie. While everyone else is all hopped up on tryptophan and holiday cheer, it's time to act. Quickly and discreetly dash to the most out of the way bathroom in the house. Most suburban houses all have a quiet, altogether nondescript bathroom tucked away on the second floor, or in the basement somewhere. This is where you should unleash your holiday cock custard. Now, using your manhood as a vaginal turkey-baster takes on a whole new dimension when you're in a quaint family bathroom as opposed to a public one(See, "Do you have the gall to bang her in a public stall?). You have to be a little more courteous and gentle- unless you’re one of those Gen-X "I hate my parents" types who still listens to Megadeth. If that's the case, no one likes you anyway. If there is a bathroom sink, it's always a vintage move to prop her up against the sink and pound away in such a fashion that the two of you are in a lower-case "y" shape. In this situation, it's always good to stuff a bath towel in her mouth to keep the noise at a minimum, or if you're into that kind of depraved behavior. If you think about it, burning off a few hundred calories while pumping your girl full of holiday cheer will probably allow you to have at least two more helpings of sweet potato pie and pickled beets. You receive ultimate style points if you can accomplish this entire feat while munching on a turkey leg. You're considered an ultimate John Madden worthy Thanksgiving hero if said turkey leg secretes juices onto her jugs, and you lick it off mid thrust, then go back to eating. You should then re-enter this family-themed, joyful celebration of American gluttony once again as if nothing had ever happened- and watch football knowing that you too, scored big on Turkey Day.                       |
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